I’m a parent of two children living in Dogpatch. A decade ago, I got my doctorate at Stanford University, under the guidance of Professor Carol Dweck, focusing on “growth mindset,” the belief that abilities and talents can improve, as opposed to a “fixed mindset,” the conviction that abilities and talents are stable. At the time, we knew more about the benefits of a growth mindset (e.g., more resilience, better academic performance) than how to develop it. As a parent now, I often think about what research and theory tell us about the most practical ways to build a growth mindset. Based on guided studies, my own trial and error, and talking to other moms in the community, there are three things I find effective to nurture resilience and a growth mindset in children.
1. Build frustration tolerance. When my first child was a newborn, I followed professional recommendations quite closely. When my pediatrician told me to do several minutes of tummy time at once, I obeyed her advice. As hard as it was to hear my baby cry, instead of picking him up when he struggled with tummy time, I tried other strategies first (e.g., rubbing his back). With my second child, since I was generally less concerned with him hitting milestones and doing everything just right, I was quicker to pick him up when he fussed. I reflected that I might not be setting him up to develop resilience. Being able to experience frustration and have the opportunity to work it out on their own is one of the earliest opportunities babies have to learn a growth mindset; to see that their struggle and effort lead to learning.
2. Celebrate practice and doing hard things. When my children accomplish something, I join them in celebrating (e.g., “you did it!” or clapping). But I also remind myself of my own research on growth mindset and try to talk about the process of learning rather than solely focusing on the outcome or end result. For example, when my toddler recently started swimming lessons, he struggled at first. Instead of trying to convince him swimming was fun, I changed the emphasis of my language to talk about learning. We celebrate his incremental accomplishments (e.g., putting his head under the water) and how he’s getting better each time, and we practice mantras like, “I can do hard things.”
3. Praise good strategies instead of traits. In one of my favorite studies I co-authored, my colleagues and I wanted to see whether the praise parents used with very young children (one- to three-year-olds) predicted children’s growth mindsets five years later. We found that it did. Parents who praised actions (e.g., “good job trying to put that back in,” “great catch”) had children with a greater growth mindset than parents who praised traits (e.g., “you’re so smart,” “you’re good at that”). Many parenting experts now recommend not even saying “good job.” While I believe this advice is an overinterpretation of growth mindset research, I do agree with the theory guiding much of this guidance. It’s better to ask a child a question about something they accomplished and to really engage in learning about their process than to simply stop with “good job.” This might look like, “Good job! How did you learn to do that? Tell me more about the picture.”
Carissa has a doctorate in Psychology from Stanford University and was named to Forbes 30 Under 30 list in 2016 for her innovative work applying growth mindset research. To read more about growth mindset, visit her blog; youcandohardthings.substack.com.
Jessica Zimmer 
Alina Ferguson