Phishing texts – smishing – regularly pop up on our cellphones. These obscure messages are purportedly from people who know us, or sent by innocent mistake, but their real purpose is to wheedle into a conversation that results in the provision of personal information. Below are smishes I received, and responses I wanted to, but didn’t, send.
Hi! Dr. Nan, this is Anqi, and this is my new cell phone number! Please save it, thanks!
Thank you, Anqi! I’ve been trying to contact you about your test results, which are quite alarming. Please make sure to NOT drink water, eat food, or evacuate your bowels. Doing any of these things could result in severe pain and death.
Do you have time to have dinner together in the evening? I know there is a Michelin-starred restaurant nearby that has good Italian food.
I’m totally starving! Can you go ahead and make a reservation? They require a non-refundable deposit, but it’ll be credited towards our meal. Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back my share!
Hi. 
That’s pretty insensitive, given you know my beloved dog, Scottie, just died. I’m blocking you!
Hi. 
Mommy says I should tell her if a stranger winks at me, and she’ll notify the FBI. Stranger danger!
Hey how’s your life going these days? Is it going well at work?
The person to whom you sent this text was killed in a tragic workplace accident. We’re looking for witnesses to the incident. If you have any information please pass it on.
Hello. This is Annie, is this Eunice’s number?
It’s not, but if you manage to find Eunice you tell that btch that if she ever even glances at my boyfriend again they’ll be hell to pay!
Hello, I’m curious how you appeared in my address book. Have we met somewhere?
Were you with me at San Quentin? I was mostly on death row, so didn’t mix much with the other inmates…
Hi Jenny, we agreed that tomorrow we would play golf, why havent you replied to me, please do when you get this message.
Sorry, I’ve been soooo busy, what with winning that huge lottery. I’m moving to the Bahamas!!!! If you ever get there let me know. Golf is on me. 